Many exciting opportunities and directions are developing with my work at the moment. Along with all the great things happening come some extremely intense reactions to DOING some of the actual steps I need to take to get all this happening. A lot of resistance and fear comes up. I keep letting it go and have taken some significant steps.
I have a major event scheduled for early October (read about it here). I was getting really terrified about being ready for the conference, so I did this exercise about fear.
Shortcut for Letting go of Fear Exercise
Ask yourself, when you feel afraid :
What is it I don't want to have happen?
Write down your first thought.
Welcome the feelings, the sensations in the body, the pictures and sounds (and thoughts are just sounds and pictures) that come up with that response.
Now ask: Could I let go of wanting that to happen?
This oddball question tends to bring about a release easily! Just keep doing it over and over until you feel as much relief from the fear as you would like.
This exercise comes from the understanding that whenever we're afraid we are focusing on what we don't want to have happen, and one part of us wants that to happen! When we let go fo that irrational 'want', we are freer and able to act.
Outstanding Results from The Letting Go of Fear Release
I did this exercise for a while this morning when I woke feeling really full of dread about the conference presentation. I listed in my mind the things I don't want to have happen, one by one and let them go, as described above.
One of these was that I don't want to find myself not well prepared and just winging it - doing an OK job but not the way I envisioned it, and losing the opportunity to make an impact and get these ideas really out there. I thought about how I want the talk to have powerful stories and images - and I get scared that I can't do that. What I didn't want to have happen is that I don't have well prepared and engaging stories. I let that fear go, let go of 'wanting that to happen'. Immediately, I remembered the class I am going to tonight which is an "Acting Class" (with skills for presentations in mind) at which we were to present a piece that we had practiced - using a special imaging and memory process to make it very engaging and memorable. I recalled that it was to prepare this presentation that I joined the class! I remembered that I intended to write my own story and present that.
A story came back to me and so I got up at 5.30 and and wrote it with ease and will present it tonight! I'm very pleased and intend to get up early to write every morning this week so I get all the pieces I need for my first practice talk next Monday properly prepared. It's feeling much more doable now. Because I released the fear I was able to take the action I needed to take. My whole week started so well as a result of that early morning releasing practice.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
A New "Releaser" Reports Strong Gains!
Share from a participant in a recent Release Your Limiting Feelings and Find Happiness workshop:
“The releasing results have been phenomenal! I ‘got it’ that day of the workshop and it’s been really good for me. So many things that were stuck have moved on easily. I’ve found a house to move to, and even feel excited about doing it up. I’ve found a new school for my daughters at last. I’ve been releasing my reactions to my ex-husband before I speak and things are so much better between us.
I’ve found releasing a lot easier process to do than any other, and I’ve done lots of processes. I like that it feels so free of everything, and can be used everywhere. It’s really easy for me. It’s made such a difference that first I acknowledge my feelings and then I can release them. The shift is that this process honours my feelings where before I used to try to push them away and distract myself from them. By honouring them first I find it so easy to release them and everything has started to flow.”
I don't want to release my anger!
The Question
"My daughter at 24 has a chronic 'mental illness' with a severe eating disorder... in and out of hospital every couple of months with no desire to get well. I have tried to help her and have made agreements with her that she has broken. . Her behaviour has been manipulative, lying, cheating, secretive, and very hurtful.
I find myself rageful that I have allowed myself to become totally exhausted mentally & physically with financial difficulties, turning myself inside out, trying to help her, thinking my efforts could change the situation, but, she doesn’t want to help herself. She is addicted.
I even I lost my job and looked after her 24/7 for 6 weeks while waiting for a supported care place to become available. I could not leave her for even 1/2 hr.
I have been doing the welcoming of the anger, exploring what comes up, and find I don't want to release it, I am still so incredibly angry and I don't want to be in touch with her at all. I know the anger is damaging. I need some advice please.”
Alice's Response
It's very understandable that you are resistant to releasing the anger. This is a difficult situation which would press anyone's buttons.
It’s important to remember that the fiercely angry feelings you are experiencing come from programs from your own past, from the traumas of your own childhood, they are not actually caused by the situation that triggers them. The good thing is that when the feelings are triggered that’s your chance to release those past programs.
Remember also that what you are doing is releasing the power of the anger to control you, and your wanting to control the anger. This is how you become free of the power these old programs have over you. You can just let the anger be, allow it, welcome it, and it will simply pass through. Allowing yourself to have the anger, allowing the anger pass through, is different from 'being angry'. In other words you let go of identifying with the anger as who you are.
Anger is damaging, as you said, however trying to stop it or control it and make it go away or judging ourselves for having it are also damaging. All efforts to change our feelings are limiting to us. By allowing our feelings we are not giving them more power but actually less.
You could welcome all the layers of feelings that are arising. In your ragefulness about having let yourself become so affected by this, can you hear that there is judgment of yourself? You could welcome that judgment too. Just welcome each layer of feeling as it arises. Everything that is arising can be welcomed and you could let it go.
Is there also some fear that is lurking under the anger? Often we fear letting anger go because we believe that we will become powerless without it. Anger is a very limited way to have power. When we allow our anger and fear and all the other lower order emotions to arise and subside, we gain access to our higher energies and when we act from those we serve ourselves, others and the situation much better.
Don’t look for instant results. Consider each time that you release that you are making an uplifting choice that is much more beneficial than getting caught in the usual turmoil of churning thoughts and feelings. It’s worth persisting. This is also the most loving thing that you can do for your daughter. It is not necessary that you force yourself to be in touch with her. Allow your feelings to run their course and dissipate themselves, by welcoming and releasing. The energy to contact her will arise at the right time. You could hold the intention to do whatever best serves the situation and trust yourself to do that, while keeping your focus on releasing the feelings as your current action.
Releasing your heavy emotions around this situation will serve you and your daughter and your relationship. There is no danger in it. Releasing is never dangerous, although because we are so used to suppressing and holding on, it feels as though it might be.
Remember the dropping of the pen. You really can drop any emotion like that. Feel that sense of dropping it inside and keep doing it over and over. Sometimes the results are immediate and sometimes they are felt hours later or the next day.
What are the origins of “misbehaviour”?
Also you might explore the idea that all misbehaviour has its origins in the person's past and how their brain has been affected. It is about them not about you. Perhaps because it is so hard for you to understand how your much loved child could have sufficient reasons to behave in these awful ways, you can't accept or forgive her behaviour.
When you behave "badly", can you sense that there is a reason underneath, even if you don't know what it is? Do you sense that there is an explanation in your past experience? Even with our own children, we don't know all of their experience, we don't even know that she wasn't born with some brain lesion.
My studies in this area have led me to see all human misbehaviour as the result of neurological programs reflecting our past - and that could include physical differences in the brain that we not aware of, as well as emotional experience, and past lives even. Certainly the evidence is that people's behaviour is rooted in their past.
This is not to say that you should forgive her or should do anything different. None of this is about shoulds. Just that it might be easier to respond to the situation in the most helpful way all round, if you can see it with understanding and the sense that no-one is to blame. The less we feel angry and blaming the stronger we can be in setting up appropriate boundaries. However we become less angry and blaming by allowing our feelings and letting them release, not by denying or suppressing them.
Not blaming also does not mean exposing ourselves to attack or danger. We don't blame a fierce animal but we do make sure we are not in danger of attack. Your ability to make detached decisions about what to do will be greatly strengthened by releasing. Your decisions will also be more heart centred. It's paradoxical perhaps, but that is definitely what happens. So there's no downside to it. There really is only gain from releasing.
I hope this helps you to release.
warm regards, Alice
"My daughter at 24 has a chronic 'mental illness' with a severe eating disorder... in and out of hospital every couple of months with no desire to get well. I have tried to help her and have made agreements with her that she has broken. . Her behaviour has been manipulative, lying, cheating, secretive, and very hurtful.
I find myself rageful that I have allowed myself to become totally exhausted mentally & physically with financial difficulties, turning myself inside out, trying to help her, thinking my efforts could change the situation, but, she doesn’t want to help herself. She is addicted.
I even I lost my job and looked after her 24/7 for 6 weeks while waiting for a supported care place to become available. I could not leave her for even 1/2 hr.
I have been doing the welcoming of the anger, exploring what comes up, and find I don't want to release it, I am still so incredibly angry and I don't want to be in touch with her at all. I know the anger is damaging. I need some advice please.”
Alice's Response
It's very understandable that you are resistant to releasing the anger. This is a difficult situation which would press anyone's buttons.
It’s important to remember that the fiercely angry feelings you are experiencing come from programs from your own past, from the traumas of your own childhood, they are not actually caused by the situation that triggers them. The good thing is that when the feelings are triggered that’s your chance to release those past programs.
Remember also that what you are doing is releasing the power of the anger to control you, and your wanting to control the anger. This is how you become free of the power these old programs have over you. You can just let the anger be, allow it, welcome it, and it will simply pass through. Allowing yourself to have the anger, allowing the anger pass through, is different from 'being angry'. In other words you let go of identifying with the anger as who you are.
Anger is damaging, as you said, however trying to stop it or control it and make it go away or judging ourselves for having it are also damaging. All efforts to change our feelings are limiting to us. By allowing our feelings we are not giving them more power but actually less.
You could welcome all the layers of feelings that are arising. In your ragefulness about having let yourself become so affected by this, can you hear that there is judgment of yourself? You could welcome that judgment too. Just welcome each layer of feeling as it arises. Everything that is arising can be welcomed and you could let it go.
Is there also some fear that is lurking under the anger? Often we fear letting anger go because we believe that we will become powerless without it. Anger is a very limited way to have power. When we allow our anger and fear and all the other lower order emotions to arise and subside, we gain access to our higher energies and when we act from those we serve ourselves, others and the situation much better.
Don’t look for instant results. Consider each time that you release that you are making an uplifting choice that is much more beneficial than getting caught in the usual turmoil of churning thoughts and feelings. It’s worth persisting. This is also the most loving thing that you can do for your daughter. It is not necessary that you force yourself to be in touch with her. Allow your feelings to run their course and dissipate themselves, by welcoming and releasing. The energy to contact her will arise at the right time. You could hold the intention to do whatever best serves the situation and trust yourself to do that, while keeping your focus on releasing the feelings as your current action.
Releasing your heavy emotions around this situation will serve you and your daughter and your relationship. There is no danger in it. Releasing is never dangerous, although because we are so used to suppressing and holding on, it feels as though it might be.
Remember the dropping of the pen. You really can drop any emotion like that. Feel that sense of dropping it inside and keep doing it over and over. Sometimes the results are immediate and sometimes they are felt hours later or the next day.
What are the origins of “misbehaviour”?
Also you might explore the idea that all misbehaviour has its origins in the person's past and how their brain has been affected. It is about them not about you. Perhaps because it is so hard for you to understand how your much loved child could have sufficient reasons to behave in these awful ways, you can't accept or forgive her behaviour.
When you behave "badly", can you sense that there is a reason underneath, even if you don't know what it is? Do you sense that there is an explanation in your past experience? Even with our own children, we don't know all of their experience, we don't even know that she wasn't born with some brain lesion.
My studies in this area have led me to see all human misbehaviour as the result of neurological programs reflecting our past - and that could include physical differences in the brain that we not aware of, as well as emotional experience, and past lives even. Certainly the evidence is that people's behaviour is rooted in their past.
This is not to say that you should forgive her or should do anything different. None of this is about shoulds. Just that it might be easier to respond to the situation in the most helpful way all round, if you can see it with understanding and the sense that no-one is to blame. The less we feel angry and blaming the stronger we can be in setting up appropriate boundaries. However we become less angry and blaming by allowing our feelings and letting them release, not by denying or suppressing them.
Not blaming also does not mean exposing ourselves to attack or danger. We don't blame a fierce animal but we do make sure we are not in danger of attack. Your ability to make detached decisions about what to do will be greatly strengthened by releasing. Your decisions will also be more heart centred. It's paradoxical perhaps, but that is definitely what happens. So there's no downside to it. There really is only gain from releasing.
I hope this helps you to release.
warm regards, Alice
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Welcome Your "Button Pushers" to Clear Out "Rubbish"!
Josie wrote this to me recently and I have replied here to share with all of you.
"I still allow myself to get terribly hurt by some people’s bitchiness. I really wish I didn’t. I’d like to think I’m stronger than that. So something happened yesterday at work; I tried releasing – but, gee, it’s really challenging when a situation still has so much heat in it.
So I wait a bit for the heat to cool – then I find the feeling of release can come."
It's great Josie that you see that you are allowing yourself to get hurt - in other words, you know that you have the power to let go of allowing that, when you are ready.
Here are a few ways that you could approach this:
Firstly, you could ask yourself if you are wanting your feeling of hurt to be different, if you want to change it. The answer will be yes, because you said you wished you didn't feel that way! Then ask yourself: Could I let go of wanting to change it? Would I? When? Repeat this and let go, as best you can, just for now, each time. Just keep welcoming and letting go and release will happen.
Another way, in the moment that the wave of painful hurt feeling comes up, is to simply ask yourself: Could I welcome this feeling? Just open to it in that moment as best you can. You can simply allow the feeling to be there.
It's strange, but the more you welcome feelings the less easy it is to label them as 'good ' or 'bad' feelings. Actually all feelings are just a sign that you are alive! They're just emotional 'weather', not who you are, not the 'truth'.
Sometimes when I welcome a feeling that is bothering me I get a flash of feeling fine about the feeling being there. In that moment I almost relish the 'painful' feeling! It's like I'm able to appreciate the feeling for what it is. I just love that! It's quite wild! Best of all the sense of fighting the feeling goes, and I feel so free.
Remember also that you don't have to force releasing - in fact it doesn't work to do so. Trying to release is another form of wanting to change it. Welcoming or allowing the feeling is the first step to releasing. So welcome first, then ASK of you could release it and answer truthfully, yes or no. Both are valid answers. If you go through that process, you have released that layer of feeling. The next layer of feeling may then arise. It may feel similar, but it is new layer. Next you welcome that feeling and ask if you could release it.
The key understanding is that you are not trying to get rid of feelings but allowing them to FLOW.
Freely flowing feelings release themselves, that's their nature.
A further valuable approach to this kind of situation is to sit down calmly at home and do some written releasing about your relationship with that person. You could use the Likes/Dislikes process, the Cleanup Procedure or other processes from the Relationship Magic chapter in the book The Sedona Method. When someone 'pushes your buttons" it is such an opportunity to free yourself of the pocket of reaction that they have brought to the surface for you.
Be grateful and seize the opportunity to let go of the 'inner rubbish' your 'button pushers" have so obligingly surfaced for you!
warm regards, Alice
Welcoming "Uncomfortableness" and Becoming Free
What I love about this work of coaching is the big shifts people make so naturally and easily, as they release the reactions that have held them back. It still astounds me that looking inside and releasing our reactions to things can have such a profound effect on our lives. But I no longer doubt that it does!
A client who was very stuck and fed up in her job her relationship and vision of the future is, a few months and sessions later, in a new job where she feels valued and energized, has renewed her relationship and is bouncing along happily in her life. This is what i wrote to her as she completed the coaching contract she had with me:
"Do go back and review your goals at the start, look at "then and now", see your gains and say WOW!
Remember that you can allow yourself to get stuck again, and you will get stuck again, if you just let the knee jerk reactions rule. You have cleared some of them away forever. That means there's a golden opportunity to welcome the next reactions that are triggered and let them go.
That's the key, notice the reactions that are coming up, WELCOME them; take your attention off the nasty person or thing that has brought this uncomfortableness into your life, thank that stimulus, whatever it is, for giving you the opportunity to release. Own the reaction as yours, not theirs, without blame. You aren't at fault for having it. It just is, and when it arises into consciousness, that's the gift, because NOW you're conscious of it, you can let it go and be free."
A client who was very stuck and fed up in her job her relationship and vision of the future is, a few months and sessions later, in a new job where she feels valued and energized, has renewed her relationship and is bouncing along happily in her life. This is what i wrote to her as she completed the coaching contract she had with me:
"Do go back and review your goals at the start, look at "then and now", see your gains and say WOW!
Remember that you can allow yourself to get stuck again, and you will get stuck again, if you just let the knee jerk reactions rule. You have cleared some of them away forever. That means there's a golden opportunity to welcome the next reactions that are triggered and let them go.
That's the key, notice the reactions that are coming up, WELCOME them; take your attention off the nasty person or thing that has brought this uncomfortableness into your life, thank that stimulus, whatever it is, for giving you the opportunity to release. Own the reaction as yours, not theirs, without blame. You aren't at fault for having it. It just is, and when it arises into consciousness, that's the gift, because NOW you're conscious of it, you can let it go and be free."
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Taking the Opportunity and Successfully Releasing a "Bad Day at Work"
Here's an extract from an email sent to me by a client this week:
"I had a bad day at work yesterday, a case of lights being pretty dim!! There were numerous events which took place, hopefully most my boss doesn’t know about!
"I had a bad day at work yesterday, a case of lights being pretty dim!! There were numerous events which took place, hopefully most my boss doesn’t know about!
I decided it was a good opportunity for some releasing, so last night as I went to bed, I practiced some releasing over the days events. I could not put words to the feelings; however, because the feelings were "fresh" I didn't really have to at that stage (and when I now think about it, children are able to release but not put feelings into "words").
I felt it worked, today's a new day! If I hadn't done some releasing last night, I don't know if my reaction today would have been quite the same! I would have beaten myself up over it a bit more."
I wrote back as follows:
Congratulations on seeing the opportunity and doing some releasing after a "bad day". Wow, it takes courage and commitment to do that when your feelings have been giving you a hard time all day and the mistakes made on such a day usually trigger lots more reactions too!
These challenging times are the best opportunities to grow, and you saw that and took up the challenge. It's only when our "worst" feelings come to the surface that we can let them go. So it's fantastic that you did it - and that you "felt it work".
Releasing always does "work" at some level of course, but feeling it immediately is so nice isn't it. By the way, I think you would have beaten yourself up over it a lot more if you hadn't released don't you!
Next step - see if you can remember to release during the "bad day".
Happy releasing!
Another thing, I loved your insight about children not needing to name the feeling to release it! That's wonderful, so true and it never occurred to me! I'll spread the word about that one.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Giving and Receiving Peace
You can! Peace doesn’t come from outside, it’s a ray of your own heart.
You can learn how to radiate the energy of any feeling, to yourself, and to everyone and everything.
Here are some steps:
- Sit in a place where you can relax and be undisturbed for 10-15 minutes. Sit in a balanced upright posture and take a few long slow breaths, just watching the breath, and relaxing and letting go more and more with each out breath.
- Now, imagine you have an “element” in the heart region of your chest– perhaps like the element of an old fashioned radiant heater, some kind of “coil” that glows and give out energy.
Imagine this as concretely as you can in any form that makes sense to you.
- "Switch on" this energy coil and see the energy radiating from it and bathing every part of your body from the inside.
What colour is the energy? How does it feel?
- Play with changing the colours of the energy radiating from your energy radiator. Have fun!
Breath evenly in to your heart region, where the coil is, as you do this.
- Now hold the word PEACE in your awareness. You may hear the word, see it, feel the energy of peace. Feel this feeling in your heart region.
- Now imagine switching a knob on your energy radiator to its PEACE setting. Start to radiate the feeling of peace with your energy radiator. Allow it to be any colour that appears when you hold the awareness of peace. Radiate that colour all around you body. Bathe your body in the energy and colour of peace. Relish it. Absorb it deeply.
- Stay with giving and receiving the energy of peace, until you feel it is time to finish this practice.
Variations:
- Allow the radiation to go our further, when you are ready and it feels strong enough. As your power grows with this practice, as you radiate peace to yourself and receive it, you can radiate peace to everything and everyone in the room, the building, the area, the world, the universe.
- Change the quality that you want to radiate. You can cultivate sending to yourself, and beyond, any quality you choose. Try kindness, or gratitude. What quality do you want to experience more of?
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