I awoke feeling guilty this morning. Uncomfortable feelings rose up and stuck into me like pins. Pictures and thoughts about having not achieved what I wanted the previous day pricked me. Then my mind projected forward to the coming day’s plans and I felt another bunch of prickly feelings and thoughts jump into my awareness. Waves of feelings and thoughts crowded in like a barbed wire fence trapping me. My mind said: Yesterday I ‘indulged’, I was bad, I didn’t do what I should have. Now today I said I’d help my friend catch her sheep for shearing. That seemed like a fun idea. Now I don’t feel like I have time. Helping someone else feels tricky. I’m not sure I can afford the time now. Yesterday I stayed out later than expected and I left Mary at home alone too and she probably felt neglected. That was selfish! Today I could take Mary with me and give her a treat, but that would spoil my outing helping my friend which I had been looking forward to. I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to have to work this out! Ouch! It was horrible. All these sharp feelings of guilt and shoulds were prickling me!
So what did my mind do? It fell back on its old habit of protection – it justified. I caught my mind saying “I needed my space last night, I shouldn’t have to spoil today’s outing by taking Mary along just because I needed my space yesterday should I? I’ll help my friend. I have to do that , and I want to. She’ll be all right. Mary doesn’t mind. Bit by bit my mind used excuses to shove down the guilt and shame feelings and I felt “better”, sort of, as I started trudging effortfully towards the day’s agreed event, pretending that I was looking forward to it, with no real enthusiasm.
Then I remembered! I could release the feelings! I could let them go! Immediately I did some releases, just allowing the feelings to be there and letting them go. I dug a little deeper and found that wanting approval was underneath the feelings, and I let that go too. I did this a few times then forgot about it and got on with preparing for the day. A few minutes later a wave of open-hearted feeling suddenly arose in me, complete with a clear image of taking Mary on the outing and enjoying it thoroughly. In one moment, one delicious, complete flash of love and joy, I saw, felt and thought the rightness and perfection of taking Mary along and giving her pleasure, and knew that to be with her would be just as much of a pleasure to me. I felt light and happy and I looked forward with enthusiasm to the day ahead.
Reflections on this heart opening experience
As I reflected back I realised that immediately after releasing I had become clear about the day. I had started to prepare easily, with conviction, without even thinking about it. Then the instantaneous picture of being out with Mary, as I helped my friend, just ‘arrived’ and told me a host of truths in one moment. I knew in that moment not only what to do and that I would enjoy the day, but that I would also benefit the work I had believed that I had neglected the day before. My open heart told me in a flash that all things would be served by my taking Mary with me and being wholeheartedly with her, as I helped my friend.
In essence I re-discovered the immense and awesome power of releasing.
It’s really very simple. Releasing opens your heart, and with an open heart our action flows effortlessly, and serves the good of all.
I am so grateful to have this simple and powerful method in my life and to be able to share it with you.
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